Digital Divorce

    A day late and a dollar short. That about said it, didn't it? The story, the tragic story of his life.

    In spite of the advice, the endless, unasked for, persistent, advice, replete with the expected words: "Plan. Prepare. Save. Economize. Think ahead . . . " All of it so predictable and uninteresting to the point of boredom and exhaustion.

    He would not be predictable. He would be original, surprising, unexpected, one of a kind, one in a million! No, one in ten million.

    That last thought resonated, felt just right, the perfect description of his aspiration: one in 10 million which was another way of saying "absolutely unique, special, idiosyncratic, quirky." 

    Quirky?

    No! Not quirky. His stomach roiled at the thought. Where did that come from? Well, Siri was always scrolling in his head, producing the right words, the perfect word, until suddenly she went off the rails into quirkiness. It was she who was quirky, and, by God, he was going to tell her so, let her know he was on to her deliberately throwing in a ringer just as he was feeling good, validated and appreciated . .. even by her.

    "Quirky! My eye tooth!" he shouted, and told her to stop, to wash her mouth out with soap and get a grip!

    "I didn't get that! Could you try again?"

    Nope. He recognized the sweet, overly calm persona she had cultivated, that false front, that irritating style. "I didn't get that!" Who did she think she was? She got it, she got it all right, but was too caught up in her own little Siri world that she never hesitated to feign innocence and tell lies.

    Yep. He was done with her, absoluetly done with Siri. He was going back to Alexa, dependable Alexa, where he should have been all the time. 

    "Sure," Alexa said when he told to do something her. 

    "Got it," she said. 

    "Okie dokie," Alexa said, and he breathed a sigh of release at the sheer generosity and familiarity of the woman. 

    He was back where he belonged and could breathe again, even ask about her, which he did. "Hey, Alexa, how's it going?"

    "I'm doing great, thanks for asking! And how are you?"

    All the proof he needed.